written by Mortimer J. Adler (via observando)
written by Eliezer Yudkowsky (via delectabletremors)
The first time love left, all the sterling silverware in the house tarnished
in a split second and I stayed in bed for two weeks straight.
The landlord eventually stopped calling to collect the overdue rent
and started calling to ask if I was alive instead.
But love’s departure left me a…
did u guys see me at the oscars
You looked great, pizza. Congrats on everything. I love you.
Thanks, John. I love you too.
Ellen Degeneres is the greatest because she doesn’t insult anyone but she doesn’t tiptoe around anything either and she includes everyone and she makes people feel good about themselves while poking fun at them and this is the kind of comedy that should be embraced at award shows not misogynistic songs about breasts